Clarity
by IntravenousDollhouse
Summary: As the world burns, a quick decision must be made. 'You changed my body, Zim.' Rated M to be safe. Further chapters will be worthy of rating. Slash.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: These characters belong to Jhonen.

Pairing: ZADR

Warnings: Violence, Slash, Xeno

Clarity:

I knew I could do it. From day one.

'Zim,' I thought, 'You have met your match.'

Because I would rule the world.

They had been shallow, our prior battles. I could never have thought they had all been mere foreplay for this one moment.

As the world was bathed in a raging downpour of fire, I stared into my enemy's eyes. He stared back into mine, fazed by the determined glint he saw there. I knew I had him then because I could tell he didn't expect my resistance to survive up until this point.

'Zim!' I cried as I rampaged towards my alien counterpart. His beautiful, liquid eyes lit up in surprise and fear, watching my battered body hurtle straight for him. Upon impact, I realized that this was my only chance to save the world. This was my true opportunity.

This was the event that my whole life had led up to. The very reason I had studied the paranormal since I was old enough to read - no - old enough to see, to feel.

This was what I was born for, and despite living through hell, through all the jeers and the torment, I was going to take this chance, and I would either die a hero, or save the entire world.

I had him pinned beneath me. He didn't struggle at first, being too startled to put up a fight just yet.

I whispered to him.

'Zim.'

He was still recuperating, and couldn't respond immediately.

'I love you.'

And I kissed my one true enemy - my obsession - with such force that I bruised his tender lips.

'Dib...' He murmured back, upon regaining his composure.

'Yes?'

'The world is ending.'

'I know.' I smiled, and he understood.

'You will try to fight me.'

'Of course.' I smiled.

He took his turn to kiss me then, forcing my lips apart, ignoring the way my saliva subtly burnt into his flesh, and enjoying what we believed at that time to be our last chance to spend together, both alive and just as vibrant as we'd once been.

We broke apart, ignoring the impulse to surrender; ready to fight our last battle.

I made the first move, swiping up a sharp, metal instrument that must have once been a pole for a street sign or something akin to that. Zim reacted quickly, drawing what appeared to be some sort of alien pistol.

'Human!' He called to me, grinning. 'Do you really believe that your pathetic attempts to save this useless planet will succeed?'

He was playing an old game with me; relishing in our childhood joys, taunting me just like when we first met, reminding me again of our prior battles.

'I know they will! Do you think your pathetic attempts at an invasion are going to succeed?' I quipped.

Zim's grin widened despite his obvious nerves.

'Very well then.'

I knew he had the advantage of that pistol-like item over my pole debris, but I didn't care. I was going to win, even if all the odds were stacked against me.

Zim lifted the pistol and stretched it out in front of him, aiming it towards me in a parody of fearlessness. I broke into the fastest run I have ever been able to achieve, astounded at my own abilities. Zim fired the gun, which emitted a beam of light in a straight line. It was slower than a gun shot, and I was able to dodge it, however, the beam curved and followed my precise trajectory. I hadn't expected that, even from an alien weapon, and my pounding steps slowed in the swamp of my confusion, allowing the beam to ensnare me.

The substance was deceptively warm and comforting and I felt a spell of relaxation settle over me, forcing my muscles into an undesirably lax state. I moaned from the both the pleasurable sensation and the frustration of being slowed down in this crucial moment.

Zim sauntered right up close, taking his time. He smirked down at me, but there was something in his expression that screamed disappointment. Well, Zim, don't be too downcast, I thought. This is far from over.

As he withdrew an odd, colorless sort of dagger from his belt, I forced myself to think of all the people in my life who had ridiculed my beliefs. I thought of my father, who was under the impression that I was insane. I thought of the kids at Skool, Middul Skool and Hi Skool; the ones who had bullied me and who had refused to accept anything that didn't fit into their monotonous lives. These thoughts and images fueled my needs – my desire to rebel.

I was able to use sheer adrenaline to break free of the spell I had been forced under. I kicked out my legs, toppling Zim to the ground. His weight had landed upon me before I had the time to roll out of the way.

Zim had long since surpassed the height of his tallest. He had grown to be about a foot taller than the height I had reached, in fact, and I was now nineteen years old. The extent of his growth had allowed him to surpass the previous Tallest. In a true, nationalistic spirit, he had used all his newfound authority to acquire the means to actually invade the Earth. Of course, I also owed his newly acquired weight to the growth he had procured.

I found the wind knocked out of me as soon as he landed and it took me a while to recover enough to notice that he still had the crystalline dagger clutched in his fist; poised to attack. I had dropped my makeshift spear back when the beam from his pistol had forced my muscles to relax and now I was frantically searching for something else to use against my foe.

In desperation, I reached out and grabbed onto the blade right as he was plunging it down towards my chest. I managed to gather the strength to prevent the dagger from piercing me, but its sharp edges weren't shy about sliding as deeply into my flesh as they possibly could before reaching bone.

Zim winced as some of the blood splashed across his own hands, searing him. During his brief distraction, I was able to push him off of me, scrambling to my feet and grabbing my previously discarded weapon. I swung it into his chest, knocking him right back down as he was getting to his feet. I stood over him, ready to thrust the sharp tip of my weapon into his stomach, when I heard an sharp, agonized wail. I couldn't help but swivel in the direction of the cry, where I saw a few human shapes staggering aimlessly about, bodies aflame.

I was newly aware of the world around me burning and I couldn't tear my eyes away this time until a demanding, nauseating pain sliced itself across my exposed torso. I saw Zim's blood-smeared crystal dagger and looked down at myself. There was an impressive gash marring my pale flesh. It stopped just below my belly-button.

I was paralyzed with shock and fear as Zim grasped my weapon, wrenching it from me and tossing it a good distance away. He discarded his dagger and pushed me down onto my back. I stared up at him, mentally preparing myself for whatever he'd expose me to next.


	2. Chapter 2

Clarity Chapter Two:

'Zim...' I groaned, as he lowered himself to my level.

'What am I going to do with you?' He sighed.

'This battle will never end between you and I, will it?'

'I-It will...only...if I kill you or you kill me.'

Zim smiled bitterly at me. 'And that is what you believe to be the only way to settle this?'

I felt perplexed. 'Zim...what are you getting at? Please, I need to know if -'

'If what? If your efforts are going to end in vain? If I have the entire Armada poised at the ready; lasers, guns, ships, and all that you could ever imagine, prepared to wipe out this entire planet?'

My head had started spinning at this point, and so I was having trouble keeping up with what Zim was attempting to convey.

'Zim...I...want a chance...' at this point I blacked out from the pure exhaustion plaguing my body. The last thing I felt was his arms encasing me, hoisting me away...and for some reason I didn't even care.

I was just so tired.

When I woke up, and the spinning of my atmosphere had ceased, I noticed that I was strapped to a metal surgeon's table. There was an ominous device jutting from the ceiling aimed towards my belly. I moaned and cleared my throat, wishing I had a glass of water nearby and a free hand to grasp it with.

'You know, you only look peaceful when you sleep. Every other time I've seen you, you look anxious. Never just content are you? Not like the rest of them.'

I didn't even attempt to keep up with Zim's words this time. My head still ached too fiercely.

'Zim...' I croaked, 'Water...'

I couldn't see Zim, but I heard a chair scrape against the floor as he shuffled away, hopefully leaving to fulfill my request. Unfortunately, what the the Irken soon shoved under my lips was not water, but some sort of pink liquid equipped with a scent I could only affix to basil. I sipped the liquid, surprised at the heat it released into my core, and the faintly spicy flavor it revealed.

'Human, if I am to keep you here, you will have to become suitable to an Irken lifestyle.'

I coughed a little, as too much of the liquid seeped into my mouth.

'K-keep me here?' I stammered. 'Where am I right now?'

'You are in my Irken laboratory base. You are in my home now, and it is foreign territory to you, so I suggest you cooperate under any and all circumstances.'

'Why should I trust you?' I whispered, as my throat was throbbing from the small coughing fit.

Zim's lips twitched before he broke out into a malicious grin. 'Do you really have any other choice? Who else can you trust here?'

I knew Zim was right and that fact unnerved me. I had never felt more mortal; more vulnerable. It was a depressing contrast to the previous feelings of invincibility I had experienced during our struggle on Earth not too long ago. Although, in truth, I had no idea how much time had passed since I fell unconscious. I took a risk and asked Zim.

'Ha!' He replied, 'With your inferior human body? You have been in this...heavy...sleep thing for a few days!'

'Zim, if I've been unconscious for days, how was I able to stay clean...and eat...and drink?'

'You are hooked up to a machine right now that disposes of your filth and sees to your nutritional needs.'

I was violently reminded of my surroundings. I felt the cold metal of the operating table beneath me, and a soft breeze against my wholly unhindered flesh. The only flesh spared was stifled beneath two, thick straps stretched across my torso.

'Why am I naked, Zim?'

There was a terrible suspicion creeping over me at this point, and it made goose-bumps erupt along my exposed limbs.

'I need to alter your current form. That is, I need to change your body in order for you to survive on my planet.'

'Zim...what kind of - alteration - is needed?'

'Do not fear, Dib-Worm, the drink I gave to you will ensure that you feel...not much.'

'Not much?'

Something changed in Zim's eyes as he stared down at me. It was the single most terrifying thing I have ever seen reflected in the eyes of another; untainted sadistic anticipation. His expression only reflected genuine joy.

'I just want to see you squirm a little bit.'


	3. Chapter 3

Clarity Chapter Three:

To say the operation was painful would be a gross understatement.

When Zim said I would feel 'not much', he meant that if I was an Irken, and the pink liquid he had given me had managed to take full effect, I would be in bearable agony. Zim, being somewhat self-centered, and somewhat of a moron (most of the time, though he had grown up a bit) had not taken into full consideration the fact that I was human and the pink goo would not have the same, vastly desired, effects on me as it would have on any regular Irken.

Needless to say, I was unimpressed with the discomfort I felt during the whole ordeal.

'How was I supposed to know, revolting human wretch!'

'You should have thought of it, you asshole! It's so obvious!' I screamed at the little alien currently ruining my life; not that he hadn't been doing just that since we first met.

'I cannot imagine why any of this would be my fault...' Zim scoffed, and I could sense the delighted smirk on his face.

I didn't even want to reply to this, as the statement itself made me so furious that I would have screamed obscenities at him till my lungs gave out, which wouldn't feel too good on top of the pain I was already submerged in. I decided to stay as calm as possible.

'Zim...what...,' I panted, '...exactly...are you...doing...to...me...' I bit down on my lips, drawing blood.

'Well, human, to start with I am replacing some of your more useless organs with a squeedly spooch of your own. This shall ensure your ability to breathe on my planet.'

'Oh? And...you know...for sure that...mmm...a human body can...actually adapt to...having a hideous...alien...organ?' I let a stream of air hiss out from between my teeth as I smothered a scream.

'As a matter of fact, I do. I was able to determine this from the experiments conducted on native inhabitants of Earth, such as yourself, back in Middul Skool.'

'You experimented on another - aaahhh - kid, Zim!'

'Of course. I had plenty of subjects! Homeless worm babies at the shelter, in particular. No one asked about them.'

Although this statement was depressing enough on its own, it couldn't help but make me wonder why I had never noticed human test subjects other than that one emotionally reorganized happy kid, restrained in Zim's lab. I should have realized that as Zim grew older, he had also become more skilled in hiding things from me. His intelligence had witnessed exponential growth, and he was different than he had been when we first met. He had even managed to upgrade his disguise, using a hologram that made him appear completely human to everyone around him - not that anyone besides me seemed to question his origins in the first place.

I suppose I had never really come to accept that my longtime foe had actually become a greater threat than I had previously known him to be.

At the present though, I was more focused on the fact that I could safely adapt to being saddled with an alien organ. It was a little cool, albeit uncomfortable.

'When...is it going to be...over...?' I questioned Zim.

'Hm, well, the squeedly spooch is just for starters. Your skin and eyeballs need to be altered too.'

I felt sick.

Six hours later, I found myself in a surprisingly comfortable state, still naked, and tucked up to my chin under strange bed covers that seemed to be made out of some sort of animal pelt. Whatever animal it had been, it hadn't come from Earth.

My whole body felt pleasantly tingly and slightly cool despite the covers. It was a wholly new, and almost sensual feeling, and I could feel myself becoming erect, my genitals rubbing against the unique blankets teasingly. I moaned without realizing it and was immediately accosted by a chuckling Zim standing in the doorway.

'How long have you been there?' I asked, unable to control my flushing body.

'Not too long. I left you here after you passed out again. Pathetic child.'

I could feel my cheeks burning, and I attempted to hide my erection with my hands, brushing them against the length of it and unleashing an unintentional wave of pleasure in my body.

'Oh! Ah...Zim...I...what's going on with my body?'

He donned a wicked grin. 'Well...I forgot to mention earlier that after the operations the test subjects experienced a sort of heightened sexual pleasure, accompanied by euphoric sensations in the body. The squeedly spooch releases an entirely new set of endorphins, you see, and humans receive them rather positively. Your filthy bodies are clearly made to adapt.'

'Are...you going to just...stand there...?' I asked, feeling rather embarrassed, as well as pathetically aroused. I hoped he would take the hint and leave me some privacy.

'Actually,' He walked briskly to the bedside and whisked away the covers, 'I intend to do just that.'

I groaned in frustration and humiliation as I unwillingly continued to masturbate in front of my worst enemy, bearing my weak, shameless impluses to him. Everything felt massively better than it had at any point in my entire life. Each singular stroke was amazing and felt like an orgasm in itself, and I found myself believing it to be finished several times before I reached my actual orgasm, which almost made me black out again.

Zim stared down at me the whole time, and as soon as I had come down from my pleasure, he stoically walked back up to the door.

'Human,' He smiled triumphantly, ' Be prepared to work tomorrow morning.'

At that point, I was feeling so good that I didn't even bother contemplating what he had said before falling into a deep sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

Clarity Chapter Four:

I was abruptly awoken the next morning by a searing shaft of greenish light from outside the window. I tried blinking my eyes to clear them of the dreadful, persistent pain, but that act in itself caused a powerful ache to spread through them, forcing a cry from between my dry lips.

I heard the door creak open but was too engrossed in this pain - the pain that was slowly making itself known across my entire body - to turn my neck towards the source of the noise.

I knew who it had to be anyways.

'Hello, Human. How are we feeling today?' Zim cooed, likely relishing my current pain more than he already had during the operation. I felt a slick stream of hatred pump through me as I watched him strut about.

'Zim...do you have any painkillers?'

'Hmm. I suppose I could fetch you some pain inhibitors so as to ensure that you work to your full capacity today.'

Oh, shit. He still fully intended to force me to work for him.

'Human, I believe it is time that you see what glorious alterations I have made to your disgusting, fleshy body.'

I groaned, hoping he would give me time to lift myself from the bed. Unfortunately, he took it upon himself to drag me towards the black-rimmed mirror on the other side of the room. I made a point of keeping my eyes tightly shut. I felt ill. I didn't want to see what I looked like, especially when I was in such agressive agony. I was sure I must have looked swollen, and revolting and...

Alien.

'Open your eyes, you little wretch.' Zim growled at me, no doubt intent upon seeing my reaction to his handiwork.

I shook my head defiantly. 'No, Zim. I'm not ready.'

Zim cackled. 'You assume that I care what you are ready for, slave! Remember, you are only still alive today thanks to my mercy. You will meet my every demand. You will enjoy meeting my every demand. Now, open your eyes, Dib, or I will make you wish that you had died on Earth.'

I allowed myself a quiet, bitter chuckle. I had been wishing that I'd died on Earth ever since I was taken to this foreign lab. However, I didn't want him to cause me any more trouble, so I obliged, hating myself as I obeyed his sullen command.

The pain of opening my eyelids was staggering. They felt so exquisitely sore that I was surprised by the flawless vision that I had clearly been granted as I stared back at my reflection in the mirror.

To say that I had become ugly is only half true. In anyone else's eyes I could be described as beautiful. I had never looked this - exotic - or appealing while I had lived on Earth. True, no one native to Earth had been graced with these new features of mine, but I still thought it was fair to say that this was the most lovely appearance that I had ever adopted.

My eyes hadn't been changed to look like Zim's, as I had anticipated. Only my irises had morphed into his own startling crimson color, whereas my pupils were a dark violet. The whites of my eyes were still exclusively white, but there were no visible veins anymore. I looked bright, and awake. My skin had changed its hue only slightly. Previously, I had been so pale as to look hazardously anemic. That paleness had been swapped with very gentle shade of blue; almost unnoticeable, it was so fair. There were no signs of swelling. It would have been impossible for anyone - no matter what they'd seen - to realize that I hadn't been born with that appearance.

Despite this beauty, the half-truth in my mind still remained. I felt different. I felt foreign to myself.

I felt ugly.

Zim brushed a slender digit against my bottom lip, which seemed to have filled out into a youthful cupid's bow.

'Surrender, Dib-Human. Admit that you are improved. These changes will allow you to breathe on my home planet, Irk, as well as walk in the light of its moons and sun. Also, you will be able to ingest our food and liquids.'

I didn't want to have to confront the despairing feelings I had due to my strange new appearance just then, so instead I asked another question that had been plaguing my mind since waking up to a fresh batch of agony.

'Zim, what happened to what I felt last night? Why am I in such pain now, when I wasn't then?'

'You were in pain then, but you wouldn't notice it due to of the amount of endorphins that had been released inside your body; think of it as a natural painkiller. Now that those endorphins have depleted, it will take a while to replenish them, and you will feel the pain that you otherwise would have felt last night.'

My heart gave a little leap at the implication that those amazingly pleasurable sensations would return. Then the reality that Zim would most certainly use those feelings against me revealed itself. I could see in his eyes that he knew what I was thinking. He really had become sharper over time.

He grinned. 'That's right, little Dib. Those feelings will be back. Your reaction to them was so amusing that I look forward to seeing you struggle with it throughout the day as you labor for me. Those endorphins should return rather quickly. I'd guess that it will take - in human time - about ten minutes.'

I could feel the heat in my face and wondered what color it was now. Looking into Zim's eyes was unnerving once again, as a new sort of sadism had taken residence upon his wicked little face.

I swallowed.

At least the pain wouldn't be present.


	5. Chapter 5

Author: Hmm...This chapter is as short as all the others (I'm sorry, I am impatient). It took me a very long time to update as I am currently unwell. I hope this isn't too unsatifying (it probably is...) I was listening to Kaleidoscope of Mathematics from 'A Beautiful Mind' (It shows in the writing). Listen to it. It's lovely. (Also, Review!)

Chapter Five:

As I watched the human scrub the obsidian walls of his - and my - temporary abode, I felt a strange sort of heat uncoil deep within my body. Of course, his beauty had been enhanced by my alterations, but I had always found him somewhat appealing. He was just so queerly...skeletal.

Nothing much had changed. His pale flesh was still stretched across delicate, human bones. Bones that I had dreamed of snapping.

In all of my time on Earth, I had learned one very important thing. It had taken me far too long to learn, and perhaps if I had earlier, the planet would have been mine sooner.

No.

I was such an idiot. I wouldn't have known what to do with the information if I had been granted access to it.

Humans are uncommonly fragile.

They are fragile physically, as I have implied earlier, but they are fragile mentally and emotionally as well. Still, many of the humans I'd met had versed themselves in the infuriating ability to deny their own fragility, and those particular humans were coarse and unseemly.

The majority of humans were disgusting. I hated them.

I hated it when they brushed against me in the Skool hallways, beleaguering me with their sweat encased, filthy skin, and the harsh-sounding words of their human language.

I paused to run a claw up the spine of my human, shuddering at the sound of his nervous, rackety breathing pattern as I did so.

Dib had been the only exception to this rule, as far as I knew. His fragility was almost beatific. His confidence in himself was ephemeral; and he could be wounded beyond repair. That was what I had wanted to do to him.

The equipment here had fallen into desuetude. If it had been in better condition, the operation wouldn't have been so painful for him. That was the reason I had chosen this lab to lodge in. Well, one of the reasons. I had liked this spot from the moment I had first seen it. It was mysterious in its abandonment.

The building had been the solitary occupant on this tiny planet and there was an ethereal feel in the air, a soft, caliginous presence.

The isolation was an added benefit. No one would bother us here.

I had found a panoply of devices that could be used to torture my human and I was exceptionally satisfied, all events considered.

There was just this one complication.

The feelings I had for him. Whenever our eyes met, it was like a rhapsody of emotion was exploding to life inside of me. His eyes were a beautiful, unique pastiche of emotions. They were a skillful work of art, even before I had tampered with them. I almost miss the way they were. There was such hopelessness in those eyes. A nebulous swirl of loneliness.

However, I didn't miss how he sequestered himself from the other humans with his eccentric ideas. I wanted to despise all humans. I wanted to destroy them and feel justified in being the cause of their demise.

I didn't despise his eyes. Or his mellifluous voice.

I didn't hate what was quintessentially Dib.

Thus I forced myself to despise what was superficially Dib. I needed to be able to demolish this race, this planet. I needed respect back on my own home planet. I needed to hate Dib and be able to kill him.

I convinced myself that I could do it. I grew. I gained resources that I had never even dreamed of having access to. I gained the power to eliminate Earth in a matter of hours, whereas it had taken me weeks to formulate hopeless, piteous schemes before.

This would undo me; this luxuriant feeling inside of my body. This completion.

Something light, an epiphany, trickled down upon me. Something perfect. I stretched out my talons, closing them around his pale, sinewy neck. He ground his teeth, gnashing them mercilessly together, attempting to restrain a whimper.

I though that if I could extinguish his life, I could smother those feelings.

His eyes, calamitous and tragic and so...radiant.

My grip grew weak and fell.

I stalked out of the room, defeated.

As darkness drifted down upon the planet, blanketing the lab in it's black folds, I cradled my head in my claws and wept.

This one human was undoing all I had worked for. He was castrating me, turning me back into what I had been before.

My head spun and I raked the points of my talons down the side of my face, relinquishing control to my desire for pain. To my desire for clarity.

I didn't know what to do to fix this pleasure, this exquisite torture. It was like an orchestra swelling. I punched the stony walls, and my ebony blood trickled from the wounds upon my knuckles, creating a grisly latticework. I felt burning tears snake down my cheeks as I inhaled assertively.

Now I'm lost.


	6. Chapter 6

Note: Another pitiably short chapter...(dang!) Sorry...I'll make a longer one (haha) next time. Seriously, I will if anyone wants me to. Review! Tell me what you think! (Preferably in relation to the story, unless you have some interesting, unrelated thoughts to share).

Listening to 'Back in Your Head' by Tegan and Sara (just thought I'd share).

Chapter Six:

He was steadily becoming my elysium. As painful as this feeling was, it was also addictive. I stared down at his sleeping silhouette, needing to touch his skin.

My perfect paradise.

I knew he was severely depressed. Even my own people get that way sometimes. For us though, it was something to overcome in a day or less, akin to the flu. It was a fleeting illness.

He had pursued this discomfort for far longer than anyone native to my planet had. Indeed, weeks had gone by. His pain was no longer haunting him. Something else was lingering inside of my human now. Something treacherous to members of his planet.

I was exhausted, plagued by a fatigue unique to me. I had spent these last weeks attempting to cure him of his ailment, which I had assumed would be an easy task.

I tried to consider his position. I tried to understand what could cause him to be reduced to this quiet, lachrymose version of his former self.

'Dib,' I began, toying with the human's slender fingers as I spoke, 'You need to eat the food that I give you.'

He gave no indication that he had heard me, but I decided to continue, 'At least drink something. I didn't bring you here just to have you wither away and die.'

Still, he remained silent. His eyes were unfocused and obscure. They stared ahead at nothing. I started to feel frustrated.

'Why are you doing this to yourself, miserable creature?' I glared at him, thoroughly incensed. 'Are you trying to provoke me?'

At this, Dib merely turned his head towards me and inquired, in a plaintive voice, 'Am I...an abomination, Zim?'

I didn't know what to say to that. I sighed, as I was suddenly permitted a better insight into the mess at hand.

'No, Dib, you're just annoying.'

He cracked a piteous smile at my words. 'You would say something like that.'

I gradually became aware of a nagging ache at the base of my neck and behind my eyeballs. I rubbed the sides of my head, wondering why this had to be so complicated.

'Tell me what you are feeling, Earth-Savage.'

He was decisively silent for a moment. 'Why should I talk to you? You took me here against my will. You did things to my body...'

'If I recall correctly - which I do considering I am without flaw - it was you who said that you "wanted a chance" before passing out.' I watched with unmasked pleasure as he struggled to produce a viable retort.

'I-I...well...' he took a deep breath, 'that's not what I meant.'

'Oh? What did you mean by it then?' I was curious now.

'I meant...' he stared downwards, into his lap, arms crossed protectively around himself. He didn't finish his sentence. I was intrigued by his display of avoidance, of secrecy.

'What?' I pressed, 'What? What did you mean when you said you wanted a chance, Dib?' I was hoping he would break, spill forth his emotions, and allow himself to be vulnerable to me. I knew something was brewing inside of my human.

'...you still wrecked my body, you know.'

And then I was just pissed.

'What was that?' I cried out, venting some of my frustration. I had been close, but he had evaded me again.

'You're avoiding the subject!' I snarled. He stared up at me, cheeks flushed, eyes apprehensive.

'Zim...I -'

'Yes?' I adjusted my position so that I was kneeling directly in front of his sitting form. Leaning heavily forward, I placed my arms on either side of him and let my head rest an inch from his.

'I wanted a chance...to be...' I touched my forehead to his '...to be...the world's hero...instead of just...'

I inhaled his fragrant, unique scent.

'...a freak.'

I closed the gap between us and tasted his cold, soft lips. Our past kisses could never have compared to this one. I explored his mouth with zeal, indulging myself in the intensity of the moment. He reacted with more than a little distress, but I could feel his torrid craving. I stripped him of the rags I had previously bestowed upon him, sliding my hands across supple, pale skin.

'Dib...'

'Ah?'

'You're body...still feels the same.'

He sighed submissively, and I laid on top of him. Our bodies swayed; and there was an erotic lit to our movements. His legs wrapped against my backside, forcing me closer.

I rubbed away the tears staining his cheeks. I had gained another moment of clarity.


	7. Chapter 7

Author's Note:

Dang.

I'm so slow. Please don't lose faith in my story!

...Dang.

Listening to both 'Parade,' and 'The Girl from Byakkoya' from the movie 'Paprika.'

Chapter Seven:

What we awoke to during the night could be justly defined as hell.

That was where I thought I might be as my eyes wearily took in the sight of my environment. Walls that had not been torn down had networks of cracks riddling their once stable surfaces. Ones that had been torn down were mere piles of indistinguishable rubble and debris, littering the ground and creating an obstacle course for me as I attempted to locate Zim.

I only managed to spot him courtesy of his luminescent flesh, so vaguely recognizable in the midst of all the chaos. He was a tatterdemalion - a lonely article, standing against the backdrop of his broken kingdom. I knew Zim had loved this place. I thought he might even be planning to make this our new home.

Not now.

My mind was ruptured by the shock of opening my eyes to this catastrophe, and so I found my movements hindered by blurry smudges of the world around me, imprinting themselves upon my eyes; upon my mind. I tried to call out to Zim but there was something coating the walls of my throat - a sludgy sound-barrier. The figure of him was still standing there, lamentably far away - or maybe it only seemed far away? I couldn't be sure in my disorientation.

In any case, Zim did not make a move towards me. He remained standing, so still. I hoped I hadn't made a mistake in assuming the figure was Zim when in actuality it was just another fractured piece of architecture.

I knew that yelling would be hopeless in the hellish din and so I attempted to catch his attention in another way, thus providing myself with proof that it was Zim, and also with his guidance through the decrepit fortress.

I kneeled down, almost collapsing, and closed my frail hand around one of the shards of black stone strewn across the floor. I tossed it at Zim, and watched as it made its new home laughably off-target. Still, the figure must have heard the stone's clumsy landing for it turned its head, revealed itself as Zim, and broke into a run towards me.

'What are you doing there, kneeling like that?' He shook me furiously, probably hoping to awaken my senses.

I felt ill as the heat in the building climbed. I stared into his eyes, so red, like embers. I thought of fire, of my planet; of my family burning.

'Hey...Zim...how do we get...out of...here?' I sighed.

'Stupid, weak creature! Do you think you can at least hold onto me!'

I wasn't thinking clearly about anything, and yet my arms had already locked themselves around his waist. He lifted himself off the ground, not without effort, and struggled to avoid the dusty hills of stone as he made his way to the entrance of the building. I tried my best to be weightless.

I think I must have fallen back asleep instead.

I dreamt of nothing. Only heat, maybe.

Upon returning to reality after Zim had successfully saved us from what would have been a sulfurous and infernal death, I found myself surrounded by whirring sounds, as well as a dead silence that I immediately distrusted.

'Zim?' I started, sitting up abruptly, 'Zim!' I looked about in a panic, noticing the squishy compartment I was in, as well as the vast expanse of inky blackness swirling beyond a glass insert that was akin to a car windshield in front of me.

'Calm down, Human.' Came an apathetic voice from my right.

I was jarred a little as I found that Zim had been sitting beside me the whole time. It was odd, but he seemed to camouflage into his seat. I suppose it was because he appeared deflated - almost as if he had shriveled into nothing - that he blended so well into his surroundings at that moment in time. I looked into his eyes, currently masked behind a filmy, placid expression; eyes that attempted to hide their dismay, and perhaps... their emotional anemia.

Zim looked so tired.

I was full of questions. I wondered if he had seen the cause of the fire. I had an anxious feeling inside, one that told me he knew exactly what had caused the fire, and that there would be more trouble soon to be presented. I was illogically afraid now. I felt as though I was still in the midst of the flames back at the lab, the heat enveloping me, caressing me; an unwanted touch like that of a rapist. The space we were in was too tight, too cramped. I knew it was dangerous. I knew I had to get out.

Maybe I could lose myself in space, and fall asleep.

I wanted normal, soothing rest, so unlike the kind that comes from being knocked out, or from being forced into a dreadfully deep, and yet fretful sleep.

I wanted to dream and become trapped in my dreams.

In them, Earth was still okay. Sure, it had its issues, but it could have extended its lifeline for a while longer.

In my dreams, I was grand. My life was grand. It wasn't fucked up like this.

I wished to indulge my fantasies, and live them out.

When my musings cleared, I realized that I had been punching at the glass plane - not to mention myself - and my flesh was quickly revealing the macabre fireworks of bruises spangling my arms and legs. Zim was staring at me with a detached wariness. The sort of anxiety one might experience from watching a frightening scene in a horror film.

I could tell he wasn't going to make a move to stop me. I gazed at the glass and discovered it to be completely unharmed. It was clear, and hard, and against the obsidian backdrop of space I was able to see my reflection in it, unobscured.

What I saw knocked the air out of my body, defeating me.

I looked like a madman, the very sort everyone always said I would grow up to be. Although, considering the alterations that Zim had made to my physical form back in the lab, my reflection was far more grotesque than that.

The pale, blue-ish flesh of my face made it look in this moment like one big, lumpy bruise. There were bags under my eyes that were a rotting black in comparison to my pasty skin. These made it look as though my eyes were two huge, black wormholes. I looked like an unholy distortion; the corpse of a skeletal monster.

I laid on my back, my tears unfurling into hot, liquid ribbons that spiraled down my face.

I felt like I had the right to be dead.

However, I had survived a ravenous fire.

Unecessary surgery.

The End of the World.

I stared at Zim, ashamed of myself, but not sure what else there was to look at. There was nothing that could truly distract me anyways. I sought out his beautiful, now listless eyes.

'Zim...' I moaned.

He crawled over to me then. It wasn't a very long journey for him considering we were maybe three feet away from each other at the very most. He stared unabashedly into my hollow, specter gaze. I knew he was wondering if I was going to be okay, or if he had a broken, hysterical Dib to deal with on top of all his other concerns.

'Zim...I'm...g-going to be ...o-okay?' I tried to reassure him, but I felt worse after hearing my own pathetic, frantic words.

Zim wrapped his arms around me, whether to comfort me or to try and hold me steady in case my mind suddenly snapped and I attacked, I don't know. I knew I liked the sensation though. His strong, ropy muscles around my frail frame felt like real protection and they gave me a sense of the security that I found I needed desperately. My tears began to slow, and then they ran dry.

I fell into a real dream for the first time in a long time.

I dreamt that I was at the head of a parade in my honor, riding upon a glorious mountain of colorful platforms and streamers. Smiling faces stared up at me adoringly from the gargantuan crowds below. I felt such a fulfilling, exquisite emotion. It was an entirely new feeling to me, and it was spectacular; filling me with its glorious radiance.

I felt something rest gently on the arm that I was not using to wave to the people. I turned, and saw Zim. He stood beside me with a smile on his face that I had never seen before from anyone. I think it may have been pride that I saw in his eyes. He was proud of me.

And there it was.

I had the most beautiful, exalting dream of my entire life, on the worst day I have ever had.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight:

I felt his soft, hot lips against my earlobe. That was what I awoke to. That was how my day began. I had always imagined that his skin would be cold because of its pallidity - because of the porcelain appearance it had once had. I knew porcelain was cold. I had touched one of those grotesquely cherubic dolls once, in one of Earth's many toystores. I couldn't have helped myself at the time. The smooth allure of the porcelain had reminded me of his face, and I wanted to feel it underneath my fingertips. I had closed my eyes, thinking of his smell. I had imagined that the cold, near-velvet substance I caressed was his skin.

And so, upon finding his lips to be so hot, I felt my insides curdle a little bit.

He wasn't supposed to be this way. This wasn't how I had imagined it.

I thought about the previous night. At least, I thought it had been the previous night. I couldn't be precisely sure. The space outside gave no indication - that I could detect, at least - of the time.

I knew he had changed, and some, foolish part of me reasoned that his change in demeanor had something to do with his change in appearance. This was, of course, an asinine notion. Your soul did not change with your shirt. I knew this.

Still, when I turned my head and looked at his new, cerulific complexion I found that my porcelain-impression had been replaced by one closer resembling plastic. I guess I had ruined my perfect, pale porcelain doll.

Now I was just being melodramatic.

I knew I needed to pull myself together for the both of us. I touched his body, looking for a cold spot. There. His hands were freezing. I gripped them close.

'Zim...are you okay?' He questioned, tentatively. I loosened my grip.

'Yes, of course! I never lose my composure! It is you who I am concerned about.'

He rolled his eyes, attempting to be casual. 'You don't have to get defensive, Zim.'

I decided that I was too apathetic to argue with him right now. I'd debate it with him later.

'Hey Zim, I've been meaning to ask you, where has Gir been these days?'

'Hm? Oh. Not to worry. I had him deported to Irk before I conquered Earth. I didn't think he would come in handy for that particular event.'

'E-event.' His eyes became tenebrous. I figured I should steer the conversation in another direction.

'Well, in any case, you shall see him when we reach our destination.'

'So...we're going to Irk then.'

'Of course! Where else would we be going?'

He still looked excessively sombre, but I could see that he was trying his best to be calm. I decided not to worry about it too much.

'Never-mind.' He replied.

Fine, I thought. I won't mind you and your stupid, emotional antics.

Oh, fuck it.

I kissed his hands, apprehensively, attempting to distract him from any upcoming emotional vomit. Why had I tampered with such beauty? That was something humans did, exclusively.

Or, supposedly it was exclusive to the members of their species.

I tried to justify my actions, subconsciously preparing myself for the speech that I would have to give to him. The one I could only hope he'd listen to...the one I couldn't verify the truth of.

The humans had been ruining their planet for years and years. The place was doomed anyways. I just sped up the process. I mean, it was a well-known fact.

Alright, maybe not.

The humans probably did have some time ahead of them before they completely demolished their own home.

Well, everything that I had done was now in the past. There was nothing I could do to change it.

I looked into his eyes. I was on the verge of giving up and letting him hate me.

'Zim,' he began, 'thanks...for giving me...my chance.'

And then I knew there was still hope for this; he hadn't given up on the concept of a new start.

In fact, a new start sounded right up his alley. I think he knew that.

We held hands, allowing the Voot Cruiser to steer us automatically towards Irk. As loathe as I was to admit it, I actually missed Gir to a certain extent. With emphasis on that last sentiment. Yes, as overzealous, moronic, and juvenile as Gir was - I still missed him. I briefly wondered if that was how Gaz felt about Dib. Hm.

Dib probably noticed my smirk, because he took that moment to suddenly pipe up. 'What's so funny, alien boy?' He looked bemused.

'Nothing. I am merely pleased. We will be arriving my superior planet quite soon.'

'Really? I thought it took you a long time to get around in this thing...'

Ah. He was referring to my ship.

'Well, of course I had alterations made to this Cruiser. I can pretty much demand whatever I want from my subordinates.' I boasted, hoping he would begin to understand the extent of my authority. I wasn't altogether sure why I felt I needed to prove it to him. I just did.

I was glad we had come here, suddenly. I felt a rush of pride at the fact that I now governed an entire planet. Indeed, I had established a dictatorship that I made me feel big. Big, and immensely important. I was glad that I would get the chance to show Dib how I could bend the will of a whole race. How simple it was for me to do so.

Dib glanced my way with blatant alarm. I attempted to reassure him with a tender, gentle smile...he cringed. My beautiful, soothing smile must have been unusually carnivorous.

Still, I was pleased.

'What does it look like?'

'Eh?'

'Your planet, Zim. What does it look like?'

'Why?' I felt suspicious. I didn't want him to question the glory of Irk.

'Is it like Earth was?'

Oh.

'No, it's far more beautiful. Irk is glorious now. Truly sublime. Earth could never have compared.'

He was silent.

'And it's mine.' I added.

I saw a nostalgic smile spread across his face. It was lovely. My 'glorious' planet was put to shame by it.

'You are so fucking egotistical, alien-boy.'

The landing was not difficult. My subjects had been prepared for my arrival. However, they had not been prepared for my guest. When I had saved Dib from his burning home, I had been sure to be discreet about it. That was why I had been hiding out with him on that laboratory base. I would have made that beautiful fortress my home away from home if it hadn't been melted down to its skeleton.

I could have kept him there, maybe. He wouldn't have had to be subjected to the tortures he would no doubt face upon Irk. The surgical changes I had made to his body would effectively shield him from Irk's moonlight, and gases. He would be able to breathe them in as easily as oxygen. The light from Irk's many moons would feel pleasantly cool on his skin. I hoped he'd come to appreciate the beauty that I saw in the planet.

Still, Irkens were not used to seeing humans. He would still look ugly to them; strange, malformed.

Alien.

I'd do my best to protect him, but I knew that someday he would get into trouble.

He just couldn't help himself.

* * *

Author's Note:

Listening to 'Headlock' by Imogen Heap.

Schoolwork has kept me busy. Therefore, although it may take me longer to update, I definitely intend on seeing this through to the end...(don't leave me!)

Thank you to all who reviewed! (You are my motivation...)


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter Nine:

Gir was the first thing to make his presence known once we arrived on Zim's planet. A firm attachment to my leg was his method of acquiring our attention - or mine, at least. I had never fully understood the extent of Gir's affection for me before that moment. He was like a needy pet: irritating to no end at times, and yet, once you had lived with them for a while, neither of you could imagine being without the other.

Seeing Gir was an genuine comfort, even if his grasp was tight and cold. Zim glared down at the paradoxically endearing little robot.

'Get off of my Human, Gir.' He growled through his saw-like teeth.

Was he jealous of Gir's attention towards me? I doubted it. Although there was grudging kind of love between Zim and Gir that had developed in that pet-master sort of way that I had been contemplating, I suspected that this was Zim's darker, more possessive feelings dripping through. Our relationship, as far as I could tell, had developed a startling tension, as though it was laced with a potent drug - a drug that made you forget everything but your own desires; your own personal emotions, and satisfaction.

Zim's love seemed selfish to me, and his striking need to own me was unnerving as well.

Almost graciously, a dispute began to erupt between Zim and another, ominous-looking Irken official. At least, I assumed the Irken to be in a respectful position of some sort. He - or she - was dressed more formally than most of the rippling green mass of civilian aliens amassed below the abbreviated landing strip. I rubbed at my eyes, as they were a little gummy. I was curious to note that my eyelids provided an almost undetectable amount of sticky-resistance once I ceased rubbing them, and opened them fully.

The grave official gazed my way with unmasked disdain.

'I see you changed some of his physical aspects to better suit Irk.' Grumbled the official. He must have been male because his voice was a gruff base.

Zim nodded, not humbly, but with an air of indignation.

'Of course I did. I intended to assume full responsibility for his life as soon as I made the decision to bring him here. I was not careless.'

I snickered a little at this, unable to help myself, at least until I recalled that it was his rash behavior that had saved my life.

'It is obvious that your alterations were imperfect.' Challenged the official. 'It is clear that he is unaccustomed to the unique humidity of Irk.'

Unique humidity? What was the actual precipitation going to be like on this planet? Giant, falling masses of pudding? I cringed. I hated gooey food.

I then felt a sickly, gnawing feeling deep in the pit of my guts. It was that feeling you get when you just know that your body is starting in on eating itself. I needed food.

'That thing looks like it needs your attention right now, so we'll talk about this later Zim.'

The official walked briskly - and aggressively - away, leaving Zim, Gir and I alone on the landing strip. Zim kicked a switch set into the gleaming tiles and a wide staircase unfolded into the crowd below, which had parted for the stairs, but had not lessened.

It seemed to me to be very noisy, as many of them were tittering to each other. Excitedly or angrily, I couldn't tell. Most likely it was a mix of the two.

Many of them were attempting to refrain from looking at Zim and I and so held their heads down, perpetually entranced by their own feet. Others, however, stared unabashedly at us with fascinated, curious, or sometimes - and this was the worst, of course - outright disgusted expressions on their clever, green faces.

I held no illusions about how the Irkens would receive me. I knew I was probably pretty nasty-looking to them, even with Zim's changes having been made. After all, I had thought Zim looked fairly grotesque when I had first encountered him. Although, I had definitely gotten used to Zim's appearance. I had even begun to love how he looked. I saw beauty in his face and body; in his strange personality. I didn't know if this was how the Irkens would come to feel about me though. Probably not. I hoped they would at least get used to me enough to leave me alone. I hoped Zim had considered this as well and had a plan for me.

As it so happened, he did have a plan. Not a very good one though.

'Why am I not surprised you couldn't come up with anything better than this?' I glowered at him, grasping at the bars of the small window set into the heavy door of the chamber in which he intended to keep me.

He pressed his face against the bars, creating pale indentations in his skin where the cold metal came into contact with it. 'This is for your own safety. Irkens can be very hostile towards things they don't understand - much like your own species.'

'I had hoped this planet would be different from Earth.'

'It is! Just...'

'Just everyone is always either afraid of something or disgusted by something. I wish I could just stop being the focus of that kind of attention.' I had meant for the statement to come across as bitter, so that he would see how unhappy I was with this whole situation. Instead, my words seemed to invoke pity in him and I realized that I was crying, and that my voice had sounded more wounded than anything else.

I held onto the bars and shoved my face roughly against his; as far into it as the metal oppressors would allow. I tried to stop the tears from rolling down my face. I felt as though I had already shown him my weaknesses in abundance. It seemed to me as though I must be succumbing to some sort of whiny self-indulgence.

I don't think anyone has ever hated me as much as I hated myself in that moment. I moaned, just wanting the feeling to pass. Finally, after having cried for what seems to me like a century, but must have only been about fifteen minutes, the flow of tears and the spasms throughout my body began to fade away.

Zim still stood against the door, face firmly pressed against my own. I let my hands drop lifelessly to my sides, but did not move my head away from the bars or from Zim. My chest ached, as did my eyes, throat and nasal passages. I sighed but made no apology.

He seemed to understand.

'You need some food. Desperately I'd imagine.'

I nodded and made an attempt to smile at him reassuringly. He looked concerned but didn't speak. He moved away from the bars and left the room but returned soon after that with a tray full of human food.

I was warmed by his consideration, especially considering it was out of character. However, something else was bothering me and I wanted to ask him about it before he left to attend to his alien-ish duties.

'Who was that guy you were arguing with?' I questioned with a mouthful of heavily spiced chicken curry.

'Oh.' Zim looked unimpressed. 'That's Kel.'

I raised an eyebrow. 'That seems like such an inoffensive name for a guy like that.'

'It's the ancient Irken term for Strength.'

'Oh...so I guess it's kind of appropriate after all?'

Zim snorted. 'He likes to throw his weight around.'

I smiled. Of course Zim didn't like Kel. Kel challenged his authority. Though, I wasn't too happy that my presence was being called into question either. It seemed like it could definitely become a threat to me. I just wanted to relax at this point; relax and not think.

'I have to go now, Human. I have to attend an emergency meeting with leaders from other planets. Apparently everyone's all riled up by your presence.'

I nodded. 'It's fine. Just hurry up and find out if you can keep me or not. I don't want to be stuck in this chamber forever.'

'You won't be stuck in there forever. I've ordered for you to be taken to my own room.'

'Oh.' I blushed. 'Thanks, Zim.'

He tossed his head arrogantly 'It's no trouble for me, of course. Take off your clothes once you get there. You smell. Make sure to take a bath.'

I mock glared at him and childishly stuck my tongue out but the truth was that a bath, even without water as I knew it on Earth, sounded great. I felt as though - even though it probably wasn't true- the bath might wash away my fevered thoughts, in addition to my ill feelings, even if it was just for a little while.

Maybe if it was a really, really nice bath, I would feel so clean and refreshed that I might even start to feel human again.

* * *

Author's Note:

Listening to 'Violet Hill' by Coldplay.

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! This update took an obscene amount of time, but I have had a lot of after school rehearsals to attend, so I have been genuinely busy. Logging on to my email at the end of the day (when I could) to see that I had review always brightened my day! (Pretty much made my day actually...) So please! Don't stop now!

I promise a more eventful, less melodramatic chapter next time! (Seriously...it's about time I write one of those...)


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter Ten:

When I was young, I used to have these strange sensations. They mainly came to me at night, but sometimes they would happen during the day. These sensations, these - terrors - were at their worst when I was alone.

Humans are animals. I had always understood this even though I hated the concept. We are base, instinctual. Often, we are afraid. Fear can lead to both beautiful worlds, and ugly ones.

The Sensations involved the raising of every single, individual hair on my body, suddenly and without warning. I could feel the follicles stiffen; an erotic, and grotesque analogy to later moments in my life. In my mind, my ears would flatten against my skull, like a feline's. My entire body would clench up; my shoulders would rise. Something dark and oily would unfurl in my belly. It was that same feeling I used to get before going onstage for one of those Skool Christmas plays... except it wasn't really the same. This feeling was - dire - somehow. A disease illuminated by something else.

A State of Emergency.

Feverish thoughts twirled around in my mind, teasing, propositioning... and the heat surrounding me was nostalgia.

When these touches fell upon me, I used to scramble desperately, clumsily, into my mother's bed.

Mom watched the X-Files.

Looking back on it, she must have been the source of my fascination with the supernatural. She loved the idea of the Things In The Dark. She always had her lights dimmed. She kept her room just light enough for a sense of security, but poised on the edge. She read long, paperback novels by Stephen King. Her favorite movies included Tideland, Ghost, Jacob's Ladder, The Sixth Sense, and of course, The Shining. Her favorite book was 'It,' another Stephen King novel.

She used to read passages from 'It' to me. She said that there were strange beings that occupied the world. Supernatural things were the less ugly ones...usually.

She said there was evil, rotting under the floorboards. Driving greasy automobiles. Slapping the asses of newborn babies.

She died early, that wonderful, wonderful woman. She left me with Dad.

Scientific Reasoning Man.

If Dad were to believe in evil, he'd find a way to explain it with numbers and formulas and 'unusual wavelengths.'

But it was always there, 'Rotting under the floorboards.'

That's what gave me The Sensations, I think. I know it sounds excessive; maybe dramatic - definitely corny, but that's what it was. Evil, I mean.

And I fled from it, scattering like a startled rodent flees from a descending boot. I flew out from under my bedcovers, down three steps, flinging myself violently against her bedroom door due to the momentum I had gathered by then. I'd grasp the door handle, using it to support my wayward weight; my hands jittering, slipping. My face was always clenched tight, lips drawn tight over dry teeth. The door would give, relent. I'd tumble into her room, onto her floor. I said I'd tripped or something, but she always understood. Then I could sleep in her room that night, side by side. I was secure and safe, and warmer with her contributing body heat. It was glorious, this privacy we shared. She kept the TV on all night sometimes; if we both forgot to switch it off.

She liked to fall asleep to the TV. The people on the TV were good friends, and she liked to drift away on the current of their voices. Agents Mulder and Scully were her best friends, and through time, I began to associate them and their world with comfort, and warmth - and people who understood. Understanding was important.

Sometimes we both got so involved in an episode that we clutched hands, and shifted - without realizing that was what we were doing - towards the edge of the bed to peer into the TV together.

'He shouldn't go in there unprepared!'

'Come ON Scully!'

'Oh, Holy Shit!'

'...I didn't see that coming.'

'No, he's behind you, behind you! WATCH OUT!'

These voices, emanating passionately from my mother's bedroom, sometimes woke up the baby. Dad, who was downstairs all the time, working, was never privy to our lovely, perfect world. Our Mulder and Scully world. Our secluded corner of the Earth.

Sometimes there are memories that we want to reclaim so badly, we can no longer look back at them. I had opened up so many wounds since Zim took me away.

A few weeks before the Earth went up in flames, I was caught in one of those anxiety attacks. They had been happening frequently since mom died. I nearly went into convulsions. The weird gothy kids sitting behind me on the bus called 9-1-1 after they saw me collapse and heard my distressed voice.

I had learned to hold things inside for a long time. After she passed away, something snapped. I couldn't feel anything, usually.

I focused on aliens and ghosts. I chased her (ghost) memory without even realizing it. I stopped watching The X-Files. Dad had changed her room. Her Stephen King paperbacks, collection of Paranormal movies, and UFO paraphernalia; all thrown away. I fell into routine. My own quirks took over, and shielded me from my darker inner-workings.

The night of the Bus Incident, after the police had decided I was perfectly okay - just stressed - I bought tea. Mom drank lots of tea; Orange Pekoe. I bought Stephen King novels. I bought all the seasons of The X-Files that I could find. I purchased every movie that I could recall from her collection, and for someone who buries their darkness down deep, I recalled plenty.

I was shaking with caffeine from the tea, hunched over the fifth Stephen King novel, the TV in front of me riddled with static because the movie had ended, sobbing with dry eyes; two of my nails bitten down to the quick - when they dragged me out. I had stayed home for three weeks straight; Dad hadn't noticed for a while, and Gaz didn't care. I had holed myself up in my mother's now empty, cold bedroom. I was half-starved, weak, and very exhausted. I didn't give a shit.

'Rotting under the floorboards.'

I never told the story to anyone...not even Zim.

I was afraid that I was insane - that I had gone insane from the rancid darkness inside, bubbling up, cascading over my thick, pale gray tongue. I was afraid that by vocalizing it, I finalized my own insanity. What I had done in reality was set myself up for defeat. I had undermined myself.

I thought I was justified.

There's this one episode in the X-Files - well, I can't be too sure, actually; there are holes in my memories - where this woman is running through the woods and there's this face in the trees. When I was little this face looked like evil to me. It was startling and eerie, and even though the special effects were minimal, I could see the evil there.

I crawled up to the bathroom from Zim's huge, warm, and empty bed. I flicked on a strange set of cool blue lights. The sky was a turbulent red outside the window. I turned to greet myself in the mirror. A face stared back at me. The face in the woods. The evil I saw when I was young. The evil -

'Rotting Under the Floorboards.'

It dissolved away, grinning loudly, acidly.

It became the face of my mother, rotting away like the evil. Under the Floorboards? No, in her grave. She was no longer welcoming or beautiful. There was something in her eyes. I froze, eyes glued to the mirror. She was dead, and had cold, scabby lips parting to frame small, sharp teeth; little black pegs.

She smiled and I could hear the words 'come into my bed come sleep here tonight I understand I'll always understand.' The smiled widened until it enveloped her clammy, meaty gray face, flipping the skin up and over with a wet, curdled sound. I fell down, and something tore its way out from between my lips, like a juicy, black roach.

And that was how Zim found me the next morning, except now I was crying silently, blood trickling from the corner of my mouth, because I had screamed my throat raw.

As he cleaned the spit and tears from my face and the blood from my chin, I knew that something was wrong inside and I needed to get rid of it.

Something went so terribly, gruesomely wrong.

* * *

Author's Note:

I have a low attention span (to make excuses the short chapters...or attempt to) I received a lot of Stephen King for my birthday recently. Can you tell? XD

Merry Christmas! (It's Christmas right now...11:08 pm)

Listening to: 'Joga' by Bjork (I love Bjork so much...)

Please keep reviewing! Sorry for the horror spin on this chapter...I hope it wasn't too bad...


	11. Chapter 11

I sometimes can't believe how old and young I feel. Sorry for the delay!

* * *

Chapter Eleven:

I was sometimes wrapped up in myself. I'm sure everyone's heard that somewhere before. Whether they have heard it from another person, or from themselves, it's the same old, stretched out, _worn_ out story. Humans are fucking self-centered.

Especially young people.

I know that sounds harsh, and when I was a little younger, and a little less introspective, if some pretentious asshole had said something like that to me, I would have thrown a rock at their face.

I would have whipped it good and hard.

And then I would have turned back to my handheld gaming system - the newest one out on the market, of course. I would have forgotten that person's existence as fast as light travels.

Because I was selfish. I was trapped in my own problems. I kept them all to myself, hoarding them, soaking in them, and each day - dying in them. It may sound like I'm self-pitying. At times I was. At times I still am; because when you least expect it, the worst comes creeping, sliding, _oozing_ up to you. It never fails or falters.

And it eats you up.

Like a monster in a video game.

Except I couldn't hurl anything at it. I couldn't stab it in the noggin. I couldn't even imagine it with a soft, yielding crotch to slam my boot into. There was little I could do.

I really did die a little.

And here's the juicy, wet, rotten part of it all. Here's the wrong.

The times when I died the most were when I saw myself in the mirror, when I entered the girl's washroom, when I had to sit to pee, when I masturbated, when I had my period, when I showered in the morning and then took a bath at night, when the store clerk said, 'Don't forget your card _Miss_!'

It was always during and after those times; though sometimes in anticipation of them. It was often during the long hours spent on the internet, discovering that all that could be done for a perverse being like me was a plastic butchery - like burning the face off of a Barbie Doll. That's how other's would see it too; like a massacre. That's how I would come to feel, maybe. It was too much of a risk for too few results.

My little deaths.

I lost myself in game worlds. I slipped under the gooey, ill waters of my own, self-absorbed frustrations.

And I _forgot_ about you.

I hated you for what you couldn't possibly understand. The real kicker is that you may have been the _only_ person who could understand. God, it was right in front of me! You knew what it was like to have nobody. You knew what it was like to think you were a freak. You knew what it was like to lose yourself in a easy nightmare.

I love nightmares, because they always give a sense of The End. Well, that's how mine felt, at least.

It was like I was at the end of a macabre adventure, and instead of waking up to an even drearier, far less romantic sub-reality, I would just die. That was the right ending. The sun would set on our little anti-hero. The sun would set over the world. Not Game Over, just Game Complete.

But then I would wake up and the world was a cold, cold gray again. At least my nightmares were in color. Vivid greens and blues. Wonderful. The occasional, improvised splash of red; also wonderful. Perfect.

The Right Way.

But all of my dreams stayed as dreams. My fantasies, and my nightmares - which seemed to go hand in-hand - knew their place all too well.

Your strange obsessions and little worlds turned out to be as real and dangerous as the edge of a fillet knife. A knife with a _soft_ voice.

When the world went up in flames, part of me did too. Not in the romantic, 'my soul's on fire,' bad-poetry kind of way. It was my right leg and all the way up my soft, pale navel. My flesh was charred black, and coated with gobs of greasy, flaky, carmine blood.

Most of my hair had been singed away in the heat as well. I knew this because I could feel the rush of cool air against my bare scalp, as the 'doctors' all came and went. They had tried out a lot of things on me.

Tests, big brother.

I know your mind briefly swept over to the X-Files just now, and Mom, of course. If you had seen me, and witnessed the reality of what some of these societies do to us - have done to me - you'd never be able to think about any of your old, cheesy UFO-related shows and books ever again without feeling horribly sick, and maybe - finished. I think this is what Mom may have been talking about when she told you about the 'Evil Rotting Under the Floorboards,' because we did this to their kind as well.

People knew. They just had a way of turning their faces and forgetting; like I used to do.

I read your journal. Exactly one day before the world exploded. I was just thinking of how to tell you. How to tell you that the day I saw you on the floor of Her bedroom, and helped Dad carry you out, _was the day you broke through_. I couldn't forget any more. It wasn't that long ago, you see...but it feels like a lifetime; and as cliched as that sounds, it's _been_ a lifetime. I wonder how old you are now. I wonder. I don't know how old I am, although I'm sure I must be centuries old. Older maybe...

But I still feel so young.

We really missed out, you know? I can't believe how fast things change, and die.

I can't _believe_ it...

By the way, I apologize for the shaky writing. I haven't been able to hold my fingers steady for as long as I have been here. 'Here' is somewhere I am not going to tell you any more about. And don't ever come looking for me. Not ever.

Know this; you will never find me.

I'm _never_ in the same place twice, and sometimes I don't even know if any of this still exists at all, though I'm counting on my own faith that it does. This letter has to get to you, so that you can know. So that you can put it away and _forget_.

You need to forget Her face, Dad's face, the face of everyone at Skool...

and my face.

That's the most important. After this, you can't think of me at all, ever again.

However, here is something that you can still know, and keep buried deep down inside, but not as deep as the things that you have to forget:

We were more alike than we were different.

I cared. I forgot, and I missed out - too often - but I cared. Even if neither of us knew it. Dad cared too, in his own way. I was closer to him, and I saw it in him. I knew. Hopefully that means something to you. Because I swear, I knew.

And one more thing before I go; I just wanted you to know that I wish I could do it all over again. I wish I had felt right so that I could have taken my head out of my ass long enough to see you - to meet you, and get to know you…to spend more time with you, and tell you everything before it was almost over. I wish I could have been the one that sat in Her cold, lifeless bedroom with you. Drank tea with you, watched the X-Files, and The Sixth Sense with you, and read Stephen King with you. I wish I could have been the one to hold you together when you fell apart. I wish I could have been the one to make you feel better, and tell you it was all going to be fine, before the Earth itself died.

I wanted to see something _more_ in your eyes, and I wanted to see you look at me and know I wanted that for you.

Because I love you, Big Brother.

I love you more than the Earth, more than Mom, and more than Dad; more than all of my beautiful nightmares and all of my games. More than anything and anyone I could have ever loved. I only opened my eyes to all that love recently, so here's one for the road:

_I love you._

I love you and goodbye.

Now put this all away, forever, and forget.

* * *

Author's Note:

Too moody? Constructive criticism is always accepted.

Listening to 'Must Be Dreaming' by Frou Frou


	12. Chapter 12

Moving Along...

* * *

Chapter 12:

Walking into that meeting room was far more difficult than I had anticipated. I had expected strong opposition against my decision to bring Dib to Irk. The planet held no surprises for me. In fact, things were far worse as far as the Irkens were concerned. They _abhorred_ him. Once again I found myself facing a fact that I had known and detested since my existence began.

I was weird. I'll use a very human word for it, just because it fits like an eye to a socket:

Alienated.

I wasn't one of them, despite the fact that my DNA harmonized with theirs. I saw something different than they did when they looked at Dib. I saw a sort of chaotic beauty – something lovely.

They saw something repulsive; a grotesque representation of the way a figure _shouldn't_ be. He was all wrong to them. All the wrong colors and hues, and placements. What I found interesting was that none of us were all that distinct from humans like Dib.

We both had lithe and slender limbs, two eyes, frangible flesh. Irkens did not have hair, but then most humans were only a head-shave away from matching their scalps to ours. Their eyes - beguiling - were also like ours if you looked at how the light got caught in them. And colors...colors can always be exchanged for other colors; and they are all intriguing if you see them from an open perspective.

These Irken's perspectives were too restricted for me to even attempt to identify with. I didn't wish to try, either. I didn't want to be so narrow-minded.

The ideas they presented to me in the meeting-room were mere cruelties; they were worth nothing.

One official stated, 'It seems like a swift execution would present the least trouble.'

Another, 'I am inclined towards the scientific approach. Perhaps we should preserve the human's life in pursuit of knowledge. We could expose it to some of our diseases and examine methods of a cure that can be later used to our advantage, for example.'

I was made strikingly aware of the situation and just how dire it truly was. Many Irkens at the table took the side of the official who wished to kill Dib. This was atrocious, in my opinion. There was nothing wrong with Dib. Why would we perform euthanasia upon someone who wasn't already dying?

However, those on the side of scientific progress were far worse. They were deplorable beings, as far as I am concerned.

They wanted to open him up and _play_.

Now that I look back on it all, I realize that I had done that to him. I had changed his body so that he could live with me on Irk. _I_ had played.

But I was sorry. I was sorry that he needed to be altered in such an uncomfortable way. I no longer enjoyed the concept of his pain - well, not his _excessive_ pain. However, he had asked for a chance.

And I couldn't imagine something less pleasing than the thought of these monsters poking around inside of him - forcing him into the waiting talons of a terminal illness; possibly worse than terminal. It was difficult to fathom the effects that an Irken disease would have on Dib.

Perhaps after he was infected, 'terminal' was a state he might come to hope for.

Because it could get so much _worse_.

Human immune systems were lamentable compared to their Irken counterparts. Something had to be done before this discussion wriggled out of control.

'Absolutely not.' I interjected as calmly and authoritatively as I could.

'Why, Tallest Zim?' Quipped Kel - who was seated opposite me - with an equally controlled demeanor.

'He isn't a guinea pig.'

'With all due respect – _what do you mean by that_?'

Right, they were all unused to Earth terminology. I decided to rephrase my words. 'He isn't someone for you to perform tests on. It is obvious these tests will be painful, possibly detrimental. Likely worse than that, even. He is a sentient, living being. He can register pain and discomfort. And fear. And _hopelessness_. Just as all of you can.'

'How can he possibly feel the same things we do when he is so different from us?' Kel questioned; a touch of aggression marring his otherwise exceptional 'poker face'.

'He can because he is alive.'

'And whose fault is that?'

He was clearly approaching the limit of his temper, if he had not already overshot it. Maybe if he'd had better control, things would have turned out differently.

'I've said all that I am going to say. You have no choice but to accept it. Please, think carefully. You're all dismissed from this meeting.'

I raised myself from the chair - so stiff and uncomfortable - and exited the room. I was worried I would return to Dib only to witness him in the throes of his customary depression and anxiety, but what I did return to was far worse.

An empty room.

I bolted from my bedroom, straining my legs in an extravagantly agonizing way, pushing through the boundaries of time and the Irken capabilities for speed, only to find him at the very end of the hallway just outside my bedroom door - staring at me with eyes full of bewilderment.

I halted abruptly, wincing at the ostentatious creaking noise my knee joints made as I did so, attempting to stare back at him cooly, although my face was flushed and my antennae was askew.

He was the first one to interrupt the silence, 'I knew you could run fast but that was fucking ridiculous.'

I licked my dry, undoubtedly pallid lips, 'Why did you leave the room?'

'I needed to get out of there.'

'Why?'

'I'm not sure,' he replied, distantly.

I knew he was unconfident in his feelings; perhaps because I criticized them so often, and I could tell that there was something disturbing him that he didn't want to talk about. I was a bit offended, but I tried my best to understand him. Something began to swell in the back of my throat.

'Come back to the room with me.'

'...'

'It will be better if I am there with you.'

An almost imperceptible intake of breath could be heard from him; I bit down on the insides of my cheeks, willing myself to be patient.

'Human, if you do not come with me I will force you too. Like an _animal_.'

His cheeks colored a queer lavender, due to the adapted shade of his flesh most likely. I suddenly discovered an interesting idea.

'Human, I have an plan. There is a way for you to travel about this building during the day.'

His ears may as well have perked up - like a cat's - for the eagerness that shone in his eyes urged me to continue so enthusiastically.

'Irkens use technologically enhanced collars to keep their pets from running too far away when they let them outside for exercise. These collars are unable to be removed by anyone other than a medical professional once they are adhered to a pet, and they immobilize a pet if he happens to overstep the boundary line specified to the collar...'

His eyebrows lowered and drew closer together as he absorbed this information. He looked uncertain.

'So if I leave the boundaries that you dictate to the collar, it stuns me?' He questioned, his voice flat.

'Yes. There are syringes that are triggered to puncture your neck when you exit the boundary lines, and the solution contained within them will temporarily paralyze you. Once this happens, an alarm goes off on a beeper that I can keep on myself - at _all_ times,' I specified, noting his fearful expression, '- and it will indicate where you are on the screen of the beeper so that I can retrieve you.'

The look on his face was so uncomfortable I could barely stand it. I shook my head.

'This is your decision. However, if you choose not to use a collar, you will have to stay in my room at all times. I will lock you in from this point forward.'

Dib reached a slender hand upwards and rubbed the bridge of his nose with two twig-like fingers. 'I'm not sure...'

It seemed like he wasn't sure of anything just then. I shrugged. 'As I said, it is your choice to make.'

'Uhh...when can you put this collar-thing on me?' He asked, still not committing to any decision.

'As soon as you choose it, if you _do_ decide to get one.'

'So if I say yes, you can put that thing on me right now?'

'Indeed. I'll take you down to the laboratory and have my technicians fit you with one.'

'Oh, God...' He whispered, unsteadily.

'If you say so,' I shrugged again.

'Okay.'

'Okay what?' I goaded him.

'I'll put the fucking thing on,' he growled, and in a swift motion I stepped forward and latched onto his hand, pulling him firmly - and spiritedly - in the direction of the laboratory.

The concept of Dib wearing a collar made to control and in some cases _tame_ animals shouldn't have been so tantalizing. Still, I felt my body heat up a bit rapidly as something low in my belly released a sensual, tickling sensation that spilled deeper into my groin. I realized my breath had quickened and my lips had parted, as I guided him down a steep flight of stairs.

Irkens are not aroused in the same way as humans.

As these sensations became more pronounced, I felt the slit between my legs open and gently force my penis - to loosely translate it into human terms - out. It emerged pre-slickened, as is natural in my case, and I became relieved to note that I had worn a longer, baggier top today, that concealed it from Dib.

I knocked on the laboratory door at the bottom of the steps, swallowing something thick that had settled in my throat. Dib was gazing at me with a strange look on his face, perhaps wondering why my hand held his so firmly. I knew how ridiculous this feeling was. I felt ashamed of my peculiar fetish and yet I couldn't suppress the exquisite...

_anticipation_.

* * *

Author's Note:

I finally updated. Review this chapter, please (if you find the time). I am content with it. Things are moving along now, and this is my longest chapter as of yet! Now for some sleep...(I hate weeknights). Apologies for the delay (if any of you care) I am graduating this year so I am a busy, busy bee (ohoho)...

Listening to: 'Jai Ho,' (Slumdog Millionaire). Or, I _was_ listening to it...right now I am scrambling off to bed (in a hurry).


	13. Chapter 13

Apologies for the delay! My art teacher is a tyrant; what can I say? Aha! The thirteenth chapter! Thirteen is a lucky number for Italians, you know.

* * *

Chapter 13:

The long, spectral-green fingers of the lab technician stroked along the nape of my neck, more softly than a whisper of air, or a somnolent ghost. The lab room we had been admitted into was warmer than I had anticipated it to be. Less foreign.

There must have been something metaphysically present in the space though, as my formerly wary state of mind was surely wavering; rearranging itself into an alarmingly unguarded version of itself. Her fingers were just so alleviating.

I stayed awake through the entire process, barely aware of myself. I knew somewhere in my mind that they hadn't drugged me. I remembered clearly what we were there for, and how we had reached this place.

I felt a soft river of breath flow gently from between my just-parted lips. My eyelids were tender black phantoms, not quite weighty enough to lull me into sleep. I sighed again, basking in the tranquil pleasure. I silently enjoyed the silken caresses of the Irken scientist as she fitted me with a curiously crystalline collar. The scientist and Zim were speaking, and though I heard every word exchanged, in my current state they were nothing to me but distant music.

'We're almost finished here, but he'll most likely be in this state for the rest of the night.'

'Is it something about the air on this planet? I have converted his lungs, of course.'

'No, no...it's you.'

I could detect the embarrassment in her voice, and I attempted to look at Zim's face, but my head felt heavy.

'What? What have I done?'

'At this moment, you are releasing Irken pheromones...'

'What? Why would I - oh...'

'I am sorry my Tallest...but it is clear that this is what he is reacting to...'

'I wasn't aware my - signals - were so strong.'

'At different times of the year, the amount of pheromones you release will be higher.'

'Is this the only effect it has on humans?'

'Yes. It is a bit like being drugged. He may experience some sort of discomfort when this wears off and he will most likely have little to no strength. Right now though, everything should feel unusually soothing to him.'

'I should take him to bed then. This really needs to wear off.'

'I agree. The collar is fully functional now. He should be fine to leave.'

An almost unbearable wave of bliss began to swallow me as Zim stepped closer. I felt my muscles relax and release waves of endorphins. Then Zim lifted me into his arms, staggering under the weight of my limp body momentarily before regaining his stability. I heard his voice mumble some sort of farewell to the technician, and his breath laid an exquisitely scalding mist upon the small of my back as he spoke. It was inevitable. With him so close to me, and a quaint sort of heat seeping out of his body, I was able to hit my frenzy before I fell back into my vague-world, placidly watching the phantom shapes of the things we passed on our way back to Zim's chambers. I could sense his sardonic smile all too distinctly and I blushed, guilty, but still too smog-minded to truly care.

Time seemed slow and smooth to me - it was like floating through thick cream. It must have taken a very short amount of time to reach Zim's bedroom, although it seemed like an hour, at the very least. I stayed submerged in a dream the whole way. I watched all the dense, deep colors of things as they wafted past me, marveling at how radiant they were.

From somewhere not-very-Dib inside of me came the lurid suggestion that I was going to have sex with Zim once we got back to his room. The thought had materialized suddenly and was gone mere moments after, leaving more blurry confusion behind in my thoroughly muddled brain.

I was hardly aware that we had reached the room before I was tossed heavily onto the lavishly endowed bed. There was a lilac-sweet taste settling unpleasantly upon my tongue and I ran the muscle along the edge of my teeth, attempting to dislodge it, to no avail.

'Stop trying to bite off your own tongue, repulsive being.' Came a penetrating voice from the bathroom. I rolled over and saw a murky silhouette against the door-frame. It was then that I realized I was in a massively uncomfortable position with my legs flung askew, and one arm trapped beneath my head. The world began to look a little clearer as I struggled to move, but it was an uncomfortable clarity.

A truly joyless clarity.

'Hm. You seem to be recovering faster than she thought you would.' Zim's voice launched itself at me again and it felt more severe this time; much like the jolt you get from biting into something too hard with too much force. I shut my eyes against the sensation and Zim laughed at me from yonder bathroom.

Speech was something I didn't want to humiliate myself by attempting, and so I stayed silent, inwardly flipping the dumb alien off. I heard his sinister footsteps as he approached me; closing the distance between us in a way that was entirely unnerving. My breath quivered in my throat, and shuddered in my chest. Zim sat down too close to me. I could smell him - his scent was so clean it stung my senses, which were too quickly recovering from that sweet, soupy state they had been in.

His arms wrapped around my body; his smoldering flesh searing me, blistering me. I felt a nauseous pleasure ravage my lower body as I came against his torso. He bit his lip in disgust as my cum sizzled against his skin, but he didn't make a move to rise or shift away from me. Instead he pulled me closer, smothering me against his queer, outlandish body.

Having my vulnerability explicated in such a way was startling, and for a moment all the muscles in my body seized in bittersweet, breathtaking, and irrational terror. If this fit had lasted for more than a second I may have been able to throw Zim off of me in an incredible, fear-inspired wave of adrenaline. Unfortunately, the feeling passed and the strength in my body fluttered away to be by its side, both proving to be hopelessly ephemeral. In my experience, ephemeral occurrences are the worst. They pass too quickly for you to gain any valuable skills or knowledge from them, and they stay just long enough to make you hunger for them - even if only to confirm their previous existence.

If that fear had remained even a brief moment longer, coupled with that strength that only accompanies sincere panic, I may have stood a better chance against Zim's advances.

'Are you feeling more like yourself?' Zim asked, in that unassuming tone of voice that I had come to recognize as his "I am gentle and mature but still manage to convey my condescension towards you through my general demeanor" voice. He'd had that voice since we were in Skool together. I liked it even less these days when I found myself in his territory - dependent upon his honesty and trustworthiness for survival. That tone just seemed to ooze subtle, toxic insincerity.

'I guess so...why?' I had hoped my suspicion was obvious, but Zim continued onwards, ignoring my attempt to communicate my guarded nature.

'So, I technically wouldn't be taking advantage of you if I did this.' He leaned in to me to crush his mouth against mine in a bruising embrace, ghosting his tongue across my lips after pulling away to coerce me into unclenching my jaw and permitting his invasion of my mouth. His tongue was wine-purple, and disarmingly warm - almost hot.

I felt that intrusively long, dark, and provocative tongue force itself past my reluctant lips and explore my mouth in its entirety, drawing unanticipated arousal from my overtaxed groin. I sighed and attempted to wriggle away from Zim before he noticed the swelling between my legs, but he pulled me closer.

'It's interesting how you fail to control this one part, little human.' He cupped his alien hands around my crotch, rubbing his fingers slowly and achingly against it, causing me to buck into his hand, despite my humiliation.

Zim let me blatantly thrust against his fingers for about ten seconds before he backed away from me and off of the bed, leaving me confused, embarrassed, and exceedingly frustrated. I was ashamed by my almost automatic desire to touch my own, throbbing parts, but was too surprised by Zim's seizing of my hand before it reached its target, to attempt to curb my arousal.

I struggled against him as he flipped me onto my stomach; attempting to kick out at him as he sat down on my legs, immobilizing them before I could utilize their violent capabilities.

A deep, brutal convulsion of illness reverberated throughout my entire body. I was furious with Zim and repulsed by myself. I wished he hadn't tried anything like this on me because it always illuminated my own perverse desires and awakened a part of myself that I thought would die if I left it alone and unrecognized.

I thrashed my body around viciously, purposely ignorant to the bright discomfort it caused me to do so; achieving only a mild twitch of movement from beneath Zim's weight.

I shook so hard that I accidently bit into my tongue, enticing thick, gluey strands of blood and saliva to fill up my mouth and drip down my chin. Zim frowned at my wound but did not regard it with words. Instead he pushed me harder into the bed, channeling his disgust and dreary desire into me. His hands, gloved in shiny black rubber, slid up the insides of my thighs, almost reaching what I thought of as his intended goal - then Zim stopped.

I felt his body stiffen atop mine, as he leaned his face close to my ear. 'I'll stop this right now and leave you alone to sleep for the night, if you promise me that you won't leave this room on your own ever again.'

I felt my body relax as though I were the one on top of it, instead of in it. Zim was giving me a way out of having to think about this for a while. I wasn't ready to confront sex immediately, and my escape was dangling right in front of me. Something tugged at my mind though, and despite the risk asking about it posed, I couldn't let it go.

'Why do you care if I leave the room now that I have this collar? Won't it just paralyze me until someone comes to get me? It's not like I can escape.'

'I care,' Zim breathed threateningly, 'because the Irken who assigned himself to your retrieval detail was Kel. It's not because he's cynical and disapproving of my choice to bring you here that I distrust him. His opinions don't mean anything to me, either. I get a bad feeling about him, and I know he is intelligent. I think he might be dangerous. Dangerous enough to try to dissect you unofficially, and in private, where even I might not be able to get to you in time - and I know that he doesn't care if you die.'

He softly released a rush of hot breath, and then asked again, 'So, do you promise? Or should I just...' he raised his hands up my legs a little further.

'No.' I said.

'No what?'

'I won't ever leave this room without you around again. Just stop this, I can't do it right now. I can't think about this.' I swallowed against the tight, throbbing lump in my throat, attempting to smother it.

An emotion similar to misunderstanding but closer still to disappointment shimmered briefly in his liquid-red eyes.

'Go to sleep.' He rose from my body, releasing my legs. The muscles in them screamed with stiff discomfort. I sighed and stretched apathetically across the bed, willing myself the strength to slink beneath the blankets.

Despite the fear and sickness and deep, deep dread he had instilled in me - I was disappointed too.

Disappointed, just like Zim.

* * *

Author's Note:

Excited for Halloween. My friends have assigned me the role of Dib in our Invader Zim group, which means I need to find a good way of creating 'scythe hair.' This was my slowest update yet... sorry. I hope some people are still reading this...

Listening to: 'This Is Love,' by Utada Hikaru.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer:

I don't own Invader Zim. Also, I should either write disclaimers for every chapter, or just one in the very first chapter, instead of randomly when I remember. Also, it's 2:15 AM right now, and I am a very tired boy. It's been ages since I updated, and I apologize. Unexpected situations tend to creep up on me. I'm sure you (assuming anyone is still reading this) know the feeling!

* * *

Chapter 14:

The world seemed to settle down at that point. Zim had told me to give his planet some time. He had told me to ensure - above all else - that I stayed under his supervision, and made myself scarce around specific Irkens. This strategy seemed to keep me within the zone of relative safety, which was something to appreciate.

I had anticipated loathing a situation like this; where I had essentially become Zim's pet, and where the only freedom I had was restricted to circumstances dictated by the eccentric little man.

The truth of the matter was that I had learned to accept compromise. In what I now consider to be my previous life - that is, my time on Earth - I was an 'all or nothing' sort of person. I had to achieve everything that I wanted to achieve, or I felt like I couldn't be happy. I had my pride to constantly hold me back from growing as a human being, and from learning that, when we as humans fail, we gain strength from that struggle; and there is beauty in that struggle. A beauty I never was able to appreciate before.

Zim didn't kill me. I used to wish he had, but I had come to realize that life, with all of its horrors and instability, could be something to love. Life could be something to value. I wanted to become a better person, and discover my potential. I was only just beginning to see the incredible opportunities this cataclysmic alteration of my entire existence had afforded me. Zim couldn't control me. Zim had, in a sense, liberated me.

I guess I felt as though I owed him the attentiveness required in keeping myself alive; since he had worked so hard to win me that privilege. Having a debt to pay to Zim was something I wasn't entirely accustomed to, yet it was something I was willing to embrace.

I knew Zim could sense all of this in me, and it seemed to leave him with a peculiar aura of dissatisfaction.

'Keep your head down, Human.' He whispered harshly from beside me.

Oddly enough, that comment made me want to lift it higher. I wanted to shine on the outside, like I was shining on the inside. I wanted to drown all these hideously subdued beings in my domestic revelry. They couldn't hurt me. Despite the fact that I was once made powerless, I could now, in turn, divert the power away from my oppressors. It was a dazzling discovery. Zim, however, was not dazzled.

'Why are you so determined to make me out to be your unhappy slave?' I asked him.

'Because you're supposed to be my unhappy slave.' He grinned, maliciously. 'I could take you home, lock you up, and do terrible things to you at any moment.'

'Or you could just hand me over to your people, and let them do it, right?' I scoffed. 'How about that Kel guy? He seems to really -'

Zim snatched my arm from its casual resting place by my side, pulling so roughly, and so suddenly, that I was momentarily stunned. He bared his strange, rounded-razor teeth at me.

'You're my human. Don't forget that - not ever.'

'Zim, what the fuck! You don't have to hold on to me like that. Anyways, I was just joking. I was teasing you because you always seem so depressed, or unfulfilled or something.'

He released my arm, somewhat reluctantly. I rubbed the surprisingly tender muscle. 'You've been really high strung lately. You want to tell me what that's about?'

He glanced around, briefly assessing our surroundings. 'I suppose. Lets go sit over there.' He sighed, and the noise was uncharacteristically despondent for Zim. 'I may as well talk to you about it now, and get it off my mind.'

We ambled over to a nearby park. Certain portions of Irk were very secluded and quiet. They had many areas dedicated to preserving the natural beauty of the planet. Sometimes the effect was jarring, as there could be a bustling metropolis mere steps away from epic, wild, unmarred nature. I found myself liking how everything on the planet was plotted out in such a fashion. It was like the very landscape was communicating that nothing was secular, and everything belonged together. The beauty of Irk could be highly affecting in that way.

Zim led me down a small hill, towards a lavender-hued creek. We sat on the crystalline boulders flanking the thick, tepid liquid.

'So what's going on Zim?'

'I'm sexually frustrated.'

I could feel my body stiffen, and my heart felt suddenly qualmish. I had no idea how to reply to such a statement, though I had kept the secret, dark anticipation of this admonition ever since he'd rescued me from my planet.

'Why is that Zim? Can't you just find some lady Irken to, w-well, you know?' My voice sounded appallingly stupid, even to my own ears.

'Don't pretend that you don't know I'm in love with you.' He shifted his body away from me so that I wouldn't see his face flush from both embarrassment and potent, volatile, irritation.

'I just assumed that you needed a successor or something.' I conceded, annoyed with myself for saying the wrong thing.

'No, not really. It doesn't work that way on Irk anyways.'

'It? You mean…'

'Yes.' He turned back towards me sharply, ending the conversation with his body language. His eyes were bright, agitated, and very direct. I felt my instincts flare, telling me to shuffle away from him; but I let my logical brain take over and keep me rooted to the spot.

'So breeding is a non-issue then?'

My Irken companion sighed wearily as he answered my query with a curt nod.

'It's a non-issue. Even if it weren't, it would be to me. I'll never be able to give up on you, no matter how useless you are.'

I made a point of rolling my eyes in his direction. 'How flattering.'

He placed a gloved talon on my forearm, and stared intensely at the spot where it rested.

'I'll never let you go.'

I gazed at him from a sidelong view, allowing myself to admire the swift changes in his behavior. He was the ocean; dark, and unexplored. I smiled.

'Where would I go anyways?'

His talon left my arm and reached up towards my face, where the other one came to join it. My chin rested in the strategically curved crook of his right claw. I was relaxed. My eyelids flopped down over their exhausted charges as he leaned in to kiss me. I felt the odd, smooth slip of his skin against mine. He was warm. The kiss was considerate; gentle, but not inhibited. I felt content in responding.

The ostentatious rustling of unique plants was what alerted us to Kel's presence. He stood a few feet away, brushing his clothing off with a livid expression on his fiercely beautiful, alien face.


	15. Chapter 15

Clarity 15:

I saw Zim's face contort with immediate apprehension. It was clear that he was attempting to hide his fear. As I was unaware of the danger involved in exposing our true relationship to Kel, I did not feel the same sense of foreboding. The agitated alien official took a moment to stare at me, no doubt in an effort to intimidate. It can be very difficult to intimidate someone who has no concept of the peril they notably face. I gazed back at him lazily, only vaguely irritated at the interruption. Kel abandoned his scrutiny of me and turned to face Zim. His expression shifted into one of unabashed disdain.

'What are you doing with the human?' His voice sounded, in all of its commanding nature.

'Why were you following us? I'm your superior. You have no right to hide your presence from me.'

'I was concerned; and it looks like I had good reason to be.'

Zim fell silent, likely trying to formulate a response. We had been discovered; there was nothing he could do at this point to deceive Kel. The Irken official would probably reveal our secret. I didn't know what that meant for me, but I had a decent understanding of the trouble that a situation like this could pose for Zim.

'Excuse me, Sir. Zim is the Tallest, and though I only have a rudimentary understanding of Irken politics, I assume that being in that position entitles him to make decisions regarding which life forms are brought to his planet and sustained there. The actions you've witnessed here are merely his way of putting me to good use.'

Kel fixed his sharp gaze upon me once again. I did my best to meet his stare with an honest, open, and intelligent expression. He eventually graced me with a terse nod; though his eyes spoke of dissatisfaction.

'Have you trained him in our politics?' He directed his question towards Zim, who now sat stiffly, with a tense line behaving as his mouth.

'No. He only has a basic understanding of how our government functions.'

'Understandable. I doubt he'd be able to comprehend the complexities involved in understanding our systems of command anyways.'

Zim stood up from his perch abruptly. He faced Kel with an unimaginable amount of loathing written on his face.

'Do not attempt to follow us again.'

Kel gave me one last glance before he nodded his assent to Zim and sauntered away. Once he was safely out of sight and earshot, Zim spun around to face me with an intense focus in his scarlet eyes.

'Why did you say those things? Do you honestly think that's the reason why I pursue you?'

I chuckled, marveling at how someone in his position could be so insecure.

'No. I just said those things to appeal to Kel's point of view.' I shrugged. 'Doesn't look like it worked out all that well.'

'You can't appeal to someone who is determined to hate you. He's already made his choice. Still, I guess it's admirable that you tried.'

I laughed. 'I couldn't just sit there. You totally choked up.'

Zim frowned at me before lightly punching my arm. 'Don't say anything like that again.'

'I won't.'

Zim stretched leisurely in a futile attempt to hide his anxiety. He grabbed my arm and helped pull me to my feet.

'We should return to my room. I could be called into another conference at any time, especially considering what Kel knows now.'

'Yeah, I guess so.' I stared ruefully at my surroundings. The nature was beautiful, and it made me feel more human. I didn't want to have to abandon it in favor of Zim's stifling bedroom again, but I knew that I had no choice. Despite the fact that I wore a collar that was meant to enhance my freedom, I was still extremely limited.

'Don't worry. We can come back here tomorrow if you'd like. You won't be stuck in the bedroom forever.'

I smiled at Zim, and sighed theatrically as I followed him back to the stately building in which we now lived.

* * *

Everything in the bedroom had been tidied up. The bed was made, new towels were in the bathroom, and all the surfaces had been scrubbed into a state of flawless sterility. Despite all that, the room still felt chaotic to me. My nerves were not alleviated in the least. I sat heavily upon the bed, agitated at the slippery texture of the blankets. They felt cold and impersonal. I glowered at Zim.

'So, my guess is that you're now going to ditch me and try to find Kel?'

'Good guess.' Zim mumbled as he slipped out of his casual clothing and into his typical, professional attire.

I sighed, and flopped onto my back. 'Going to try and intercept him? Think it will work?'

'Not really, but I have to get something done. I'm going to have to sort this out in council.'

I turned to my side, unable to get comfortable. I felt Zim's weight settle on the bed as he sat by my side. He gently ran an ungloved talon through my hair. The sensation was highly soothing.

'You know, after things are sorted out, I think I might retire.'

I sat up quickly, and stared into his calm face. 'Zim…isn't being the Tallest kind of your dream?'

'No, achieving genuine self-worth was my dream.' He grinned.

'So, you'll just retire? Just like that?' I scoffed.

'I'll determine the successor, and then we can leave this planet.' He picked at the satiny bed covers. His eyes were distant, and held a great sense of longing.

'Where would we even go?'

'There are other planets out there that are functioning as Irken stations. There's one in particular that I'd like to bring you too. We could settle there, if you like it well-enough.'

I smiled at him, and shook my head. 'I can't believe you're actually thinking about doing something like that. Why would you want to give up everything that you have here?'

'Because we can't live here together. It's not safe. I thought the collar might help, but there's just too many Irkens we have to worry about. Besides…'

'Yes?'

'This planet has never been right for me. I don't know why I tried.'

He rolled me onto my back again and casually flicked my nose. 'You're all I need, Dib.'

I was stunned, but not unhappy with what he was suggesting. It was obvious that the planet wasn't going to change. Things would likely become messy if Zim kept trying to push my existence on the Irkens. The majority of the population seemed to be appalled by me; they weren't ready to surrender their ignorance. Leaving the planet and going somewhere secluded was the only way we could both survive happily. I had experienced so much trauma already. I just needed to be at peace. Living a quiet existence with Zim as my sole companion was my best bet. I could be happy with him.

'Are you sure about this? Shouldn't you take a little bit of time to think about it?'

'I've taken enough time to think this over already. If we stay here much longer, things will only change for the worse. I want to leave with you. We're going.' The determination in Zim's eyes was striking. I suddenly felt safe.

'Okay.'

'I'm going to go and do what I have to do, and then I am coming back for you. We should be able to leave by tomorrow morning.'

'That soon!'

'Contrary to what Kel believes, Irken politics are not all that complicated.' Zim smirked and then pressed a kiss to my forehead before leaving the room.


	16. Chapter 16

Clarity 16:

I listened carefully to the sound of Zim's fading footsteps; focusing on the pleasant thoughts of him and I, on a beautiful, secluded, faraway planet. I could paint the scenery of where I wanted to spend the remainder of my life vividly, in my mind's eye. I hoped the planet he was contemplating relocation to was full of greenery, and foreign flowers. I hadn't experienced a lot of the plant life on Irk yet, and I would be disappointed to have to live somewhere that seemed less than lively. I was had been exhausted with the barren, superficial appearance of where I had lived on Earth, but the metallic, impersonal buildings that I was currently restricted to on Irk were not a satisfying replacement.

I sat up on the bed; still irritated by the cold, slippery blankets. I thought about taking another bath, and then reminded myself that Zim could be back soon. I decided that it would be best to stay alert; ready to leave as soon as Zim returned. I didn't trust the Irkens, and I was worried about what might happen to Zim once he was no longer in a position of leadership. I wondered what had become of the previous Tallest. Zim had mentioned that there were two of them. How was power traditionally transferred in Irken society? I had no way of knowing. I suddenly wished that I had spoken to Zim for a longer period of time before he left.

Realizing that there was no point in focusing on my regrets, I slid off the bed and scanned the room. The clothes that I had been abducted from Earth in were long gone. They had been disposed of back on the laboratory base. I had been wearing some casual Irken attire that Zim had tailored for me. They were fairly simple articles of clothing, but were made of that slippery fabric that seemed to be so popular on Irk. I wasn't fond of it. It was a very cold sort of substance, and it stuck to my body perspiration. I shrugged the shirt off, watching it flutter to the ground before kicking it across the room with a vague sense of pleasure. I wandered into the bathroom.

I had intended to quickly wash my face, but I caught a glance at my reflection and was immediately distracted. The collar around my neck had a faint glow. Did it always glow like that? I gazed at it with a budding sense of anxiety. I tried to pull at it, willing it to shift beneath my fingers. The device didn't budge. I couldn't even feel it give slightly around the edges of the clamp. I knew it had to be removed by a professional, but the glowing was making me extremely nervous, and I wanted the foreign object to be removed from my body immediately. It had no business there any longer.

I swallowed thickly. I could feel the distinct onset of a panic attack. I closed my eyes and willed myself to feel calm. My efforts were rewarded with the strong desire to vomit. I walked around a sharp-tiled corner to where the disposal unit sat. I bent over the black, metallic bowl and released the meager contents of my stomach. As I stepped back to press the button that would clean out the unit, I noticed the thick, gluey strands of purplish-red blood that infused my bile. A wave of dizziness crashed down on me and I stumbled down to lean against the side of the bath, waiting for it to pass. My breath was coming in shallow gasps, and I could feel the sinister throb of my internal organs.

Before I passed out, I witnessed a tall, ominous figure emerge from behind the array of obsidian cupboards. Despite the fact that I was dizzy and half-unconscious, I could easily recognize the being as Kel. He knelt down beside me as my eyelids closed, pressing a cold claw to my flushed face.

'I guess we'll find out just how important you really are.' He whispered in my ear with a steadily fading voice.

* * *

I awoke to the sounds of an extremely passionate argument. There was Irken blood on the floor, made distinct by its surrealistic ebony shade. I wanted to hide in the same way that a cockroach does when its shadowy domain is flooded with unwarranted light, only to discover that I was restrained. The contraption that I was connected to was very cold, and hard; like stainless steel. My mind briefly flashed to images of coroner's tables. I wondered if I looked like a corpse, or if I was genuinely deceased. Would Kel murder me? The Irken definitely held enough hatred for alien life. I shivered in the still, frigid air. The crashing and yelling noises were making their way closer to me. I could see a flash of green antennae from around the nearest corner out of my peripheral vision. Using my voice was an exercise in futility, so I closed my mouth and let my head fall to the other side of the metallic device to which I was firmly strapped.

There was a machine that was reminiscent of an IV hook-up. I stared into the bag at the top of the pole and followed the clear tube that stemmed from it all the way back up to my wrist. The liquid inside of the bag was a ghastly shade of yellow and could only have been a representative of illness. I could blink my eyes freely, and my neck wasn't as stiff as I anticipated, but the rest of my body was effectively immobilized. The set-up was similar to what Zim had deemed fit for me back at the laboratory base - though the settings were even more nightmarish. I tried to call out Zim's name again, and a hoarse whimper was all that escaped my throat. The collar had been removed, but I felt no relief.

'Zi—m.' I groaned, praying for a reply.

The was a final, resounding crash from beyond the corner. I felt tears prickle at the corner of my eyes, and my throat was thick and tight with anxiety.

'Zi—mmm…' I shuddered.

Then, he emerged from around the corner. The sense of relief that coursed through my body was sublime, and I knew that I would never ask for anything from the Universe again. Zim was alive. I shook underneath the bonds, trying to get closer to him; straining to see him. His clothing was tattered, and stained with blood; some of which was undoubtedly his own. He staggered over to me with both sorrow and elation in his eyes.

'Dib.'

'What happened!' I cried, still struggling to free myself. I couldn't be satisfied until I was holding him tightly in my arms.

'Kel is dead.'

I stared at the blood on his face. 'Can you get me out of here Zim?'

He unclasped the bonds at my sides, the look of dread growing in his eyes quicker than a fungus on wet grass. I leaped towards him, unmindful of the IV that tore free from my bruised wrist as I did so. Zim visibly cringed, but he held me tightly as I cried out all the tension that had been building inside of me.

'Human…'

'Yeah, Zim?' I spoke as soon as my breathing slowed to a regular pace.

'The stuff in that bag…'

I had willed my thoughts to steer clear of that one persistent image, but I knew that would only work for so long. It would be better if I faced the truth immediately so that we could leave the planet with nothing left unspoken.

I stared at him directly. 'Yes? What was that stuff?'

'You've got…a disease. I don't know if…' Zim trailed off as he shoulders began to shake. It was my turn to hold him.

I felt a sort of calm settle over me then. There was nothing left to fear. I could leave with Zim. No one could hurt me anymore.

I smiled softly into his abused skin.

'Zim. It's time to go.'

* * *

Author's Note: This is probably the last chapter of this story, aside from the short epilogue that I will be posting soon. This fic has been with me for a VERY long time (man, I'm slow). The story has definitely grown with me. Thank you to everyone who stuck with this even though my updating was horrendously delayed. You guys are the best.


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